Signs of a good therapist - what makes a great therapist?
The therapeutic relationship is one of the key components of a successful therapeutic process. It constitutes 30% of the variables that impact therapy (DeRubeis, et al. 2014). Therefore, it is more than understandable that clients should be interested in finding therapists that suit them. In this article I hope to explore both sides; how therapists work on themselves to make space for a therapeutic relationship and help clients understand what assumptions they can make about the process when choosing a therapist.
What qualities make for a good therapist?
“What qualities make for a good therapist?” is a question asked by every specialist that sought out to help their clients heal. From Freud to Rogers, each looked for the best recipe to give the client space to explore and repair their past in order to create a future in which they can manage their pain. When mentioning the big names of psychotherapy we must stop and understand that the method is important but it is estimated to make up for 15% of the therapeutic process. Therefore, to all of you looking for a therapist, as an oversimplified rule, I would recommend looking for a person you like more than focus on a particular methodology.
What makes a good therapist?
My personal educational journey through cognitive behavioral methods (Beck) and solution-focused brief therapy (Shazer and Berg), to a much fascinating pitstop at Freud’s psychoanalytic approach, has brought me closer to humanistic psychotherapy (Rogers) and compassion-focused therapy (Gilbert). Within these frameworks, therapists aim to show the most compassion and understanding to clients in order to support them in their journey. The aim is to be in the moment, present, and real. The therapist tries to be transparent and aware in order to experience the client’s feelings. This helps the client to go through their life story, pains and hurts, and take them out of the scary shadows. As we know, when we look into the dark cupboard where the boogie monster hides, we usually realize that we are able to face this scary creature, whereas our mind was telling us for years, maybe decades, that we cannot.
Throughout this journey in which the therapist does their best to understand their clients’ inner world, two sides work to build trust and closeness. This aims to bring hope and positive rapport that will allow the client to face these boogie monsters together with the therapist. You will no longer be alone. I, as a therapist, look at myself to explore my inner workings to be able to be accepting, respectful, and authentically present for you.
Signs of a good therapist
The therapeutic relationship aims to build you up in order to achieve your life goals. However, like any relationship, this process most likely will experience conflict. Please do not be scared of experiencing conflict with your therapist. Experiencing conflict in a relationship of togetherness and support can be a key experience of repair in your life. Most of us experience pain in the present because old hurts and traumas have not been repaired. Overcoming a minor conflict in a therapeutic process can project onto other healing processes from the past.
Circling back to what will be the signs of a good therapist:
Authenticity and truth – you want someone you feel is not fake and lying to you
Awareness – you are meeting another human with flaws. If a therapist mindfully works on their awareness you have a great chance that together with their knowledge and training they will be there for you
Compassionate and respectful – as therapists we are there for you, you are the expert of your life, we are guests trying to support you
Immediately present – both sides work in the process in the here and now
Building towards goals – therapy, however magical, is a process that should have a roadmap
Remember, therapy works. Starting a therapeutic process depends a lot on your decision to stay in it. Maintaining the therapeutic process is already a big part of the legwork. Therapy is a process of change. We know that even if the outcome is great, the process itself will most likely evoke a multitude of emotions and experiences. Just like cutting out sugar from our diets, we know it is good for us in the long run, but in the present it can cause us discomfort. Last but not least, I always share that therapy is like a whisper not a billboard sign. That is why I promote change that comes with kindness and compassion.
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Carl, R. (1967), On becoming a person, a therapist’s view on psychotherapy. Robinson An imprint of Little Brown Book Group.
DeRubeis, R. J., Gelfand, L. A., German, R. E., Fournier, J. C., & Forand, N. R. (2014). Understanding processes of change: How some patients reveal more than others—and some groups of therapists less—about what matters in psychotherapy. Psychotherapy Research, 24, 419-428
