Shame vs. Guilt: Understanding the Key Differences
In the realm of human emotions, few are as impactful and deeply rooted in the world’s cultures as shame and guilt. Both of these complex emotions can have a profound impact on our daily lives, our thoughts, behaviors, and relationships. However, shame and guilt are often used interchangeably, they are similar yet distinctively different. In this blog, we'll learn how to distinguish between the both and shedding light on how they shape our lives.
Guilt: The Regret Over our Behavior
Unlike shame, guilt is an emotion that focuses on specific actions or behaviors rather than one's core identity. Like all feelings it is meant to help us and keep us safe. Guilt activates when we recognize that we have done something wrong or harmful, and it motivates us to take responsibility for our actions and change. It is connected to our empathy, which shows us that we have hurt someone. Noticing someone’s hurt, identifying that we have caused it and seeking change is how we can build and repair relationships. Guilt is therefore adaptive, it navigates our moral compass to strengthen social connections. Unlike shame it is action-oriented, it actually gives us energy to better ourselves.
Remember that like any emotion, we can experience guilt in a balanced way or an overactive way. When overactive we can recognise that guilt takes part in our motivation too often. You can distinguish that you are experiencing guilt as guilt will mobilize (or over-mobilize) you to action.
Shame: the one that hits our core belief of self
Shame is a deeply ingrained emotion that often leaves us feeling fundamentally flawed and unworthy. It is a feeling that goes beyond the action-oriented emotion of guilt; rather, it centers on our sense of self. When we experience shame, we believe that there is something wrong with who we are as a person. Shame creates the hurt of self-judgment and criticism, that doesn’t translate into change. We look at ourselves with contempt, noticing only shortcoming and mistakes. This can result in a hurtful self image that can even lead to isolation. When we see ourselves in such a poor light we may feel too small to be a valuable member of society, shame pushes us to feeling unworthy.
When we face the impossibility of pain, when we can no longer avoid it, we humans try to shut it down. This can lead to destructive behaviors like substance abuse or self-harm. I always encourage you to compassionately talk to your shame. Like all our feelings shame is a part of your story for a reason - like with all unpleasant emotions - I invite you to understand their route and compassionately befriend them.
Summarizing, shame and guilt are distinct emotional experiences that impact our life, mental health and relationships very differently. While shame focuses on a sense of personal inadequacy and self-hate, guilt is tied to actions, often connected to remorse and a desire to make things right.
Understanding the differences between shame and guilt is fundamental in healing. By understanding guilt as a constructive motivator that encourages personal growth and social connection we can utilize guilt as a strength. On the other hand, befriending and exploring shame can lead to a more compassionate and forgiving relationship with ourselves, fostering self-acceptance.
If you find that shame or guilt are hurtful forces in your life, and you cannot yet see their helpful sides you may decide to seek professional support. Remember, both shame and guilt are part of our emotional palet, and with compassion, we can learn to navigate them more effectively.
