Toxic Relationships and Mental Health: Self-Care Strategies and Healing

A caring romantic relationship is based on a balance of giving and taking, as well as promoting mutual respect and trust. It is often said that its foundation lies in "blowing wind beneath the other person's wings," so they can grow while feeling loved and secure, regardless of the situation. However, when a relationship starts lacking trust, a sense of security, and the boundaries of the other person are continually crossed, fulfilling the emotional needs of both parties becomes impossible. This brings to mind the term "toxic relationship." I would like to focus on this issue to discuss the signs of a toxic relationship and methods of self-care and healing from a toxic relationship.

What Does a Toxic Relationship Really Mean?

Toxic environment, toxic job, toxic relationship... We live in times where the word "toxic" is often overused in relation to people and situations that negatively affect us. Involuntarily, we replace this word with negative emotions, such as anger and irritation, as well as a sense of hurt, which is inherently linked to rejection and diminishment of our persona in a relationship.

However, let's not forget that we are different and different things irritate each of us. Thus, using such a negatively charged term as toxicity too frequently may prove misleading and cause significant difficulties in identifying a toxic relationship or person. So, what is such a relationship?

"In great simplification, we can say that it is an extremely unequal relationship, especially in emotional terms - one party gives of themselves, but does not receive in return what they need. They respect their partner's boundaries, trust them, and are ready to compromise, but the partner's behavior is contradictory - they hinder and harm personal development, demean, and even destroy the other person's psyche. We also see a very uneven distribution of interactions between partners – the costs incurred in such a relationship clearly outweigh the benefits that could be drawn by someone caring for a healthy relationship.

Signs of a Toxic Relationship. How Do Toxic People Operate?

Psychology distinguishes several basic signs of a toxic relationship, but each case is different, and the symptoms of a toxic relationship can vary. What is characteristic of a toxic relationship is:

  • Lies – a toxic partner sends conflicting signals, portraying themselves as the ideal person while blackmailing and manipulating;

  • Fights – a toxic partner often uses verbal and physical aggression against the subdued person;

  • Low self-esteem – a toxic partner blames the other for mistakes and failures, does not appreciate them, criticizes, and humiliates;

  • Feeling of loneliness – a victim of a toxic relationship is cut off from friends and family and does not receive any support from their partner;

  • Lack of emotional bond – a toxic partner does not allow the affected person into their life and does not want to share their affairs with them.

Typical behaviors for a toxic relationship also include unjustified jealousy, constant control, lack of respect, manipulations, and blaming the other person. Seeing such signs of a toxic relationship, many people probably wonder – is it doomed to failure?

Ending a Toxic Relationship or Attempting to Heal?

Every relationship in which one of the parties is toxic is dysfunctional – regardless of its form and signs. Unfortunately, people who decide to stay in it are usually co-dependent and also create a toxic relationship. The only chance for healing is recognizing the dysfunctionality by both parties and long-term work on repair.

Psychotherapy can be a significant support here, helping in better recognizing and dealing with difficult emotions, such as anxiety, anger, or sadness. Often, it turns out that the source of these emotions lies in the past and wounds that have not yet healed. The routine of self-care also plays a crucial role, which can start from minor activities, helping in the long-term improvement of mental health.

Healing a toxic relationship is possible, but it primarily requires time and commitment from both sides. It is important to start working on the relationship by understanding one's own wounds and healing them before trying to fix the other person.

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Understanding the Cycle of Domestic Violence: Breaking the Pattern

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Navigating Relationships: Dealing with Physical Aggression and Building Healthy Boundaries