How to practise gratitude every morning?
Gratitude is known for its beneficial effects in our daily life. But many practices are great for us; meditation, journaling, exercise, and healthy eating. What is the magic trick to get us to practise regularly and continuously? Many times in my work my clients can list an abundance of practices that sound great on paper but struggle to stick to them over a prolonged period of time. In this blog, I will try to answer the question of how to practise gratitude every morning by bringing up different psychological norms that impact habit building and why we don’t practise things that are evidently good for us.
First, let's make a quick pit stop next to gratitude itself. Why is it so popular in mental health care practices? Naturally, we can say that gratitude is a virtue. Those who are able to be grateful welcome warmth and proximity and can recognise the good and compassionate things around them. I bet that you can name a person who has that seed of gratitude steadily growing within them. Therefore, it wasn’t a big leap for the mental health community to pick up and test the practice of training gratitude. Studies have shown that practising gratitude supports a perceptual shift. It allows us to see more favourable aspects of the world around us. Practising gratitude seems to adjust the lens of our vision and help us process the benefits of life around us, even in the darkest of times. This inevitably leads to a lighter life, with a higher probability of maintaining optimal mental health**.
Now that we know why gratitude is so good for us, let us explore how to achieve continuity in it.
Simple ways to practise gratitude
I invite you to recognise that your body and mind do not solely run on the conscious decisions and behaviours “that are good for us”. Our system runs on a complicated prioritisation structure that is fully attuned to create a feeling of safety within us. You may stop and say “this practice is great for me and it will build my safety”. Yes, after your system has practised it enough to gain sufficient proof that this is a reliable system and will not cause an imbalance with all the defence systems built since childhood to keep you alive and functioning.
One gratitude example is enough to start with.
The smallest step is already a step. Remember that we are not talking about instagram gratitude but a practice of absolute truth. If your day was rubbish and you can only be grateful for the coffee you drank in the morning, then that is the only thing you will write down. If writing is too much for practice just say it out loud, or quietly. If morning is not your time, do it in the evening or during a lunch break. I hope you see the rhythm I am suggesting – start from one small example at a time that works for you and build from there. Celebrate this one step to motivate the next one.
Forcing a habit can activate defence mechanisms
When you are building a habit, be mindful that your defence mechanisms are absolutely allowed to activate. If old habits of procrastination and forgetfulness arrive at your door, welcome them with compassion. Validate that they are mechanisms from the past, sooth your system, try to understand where they are coming from, and invite them to try this new habit. For example: I am trying to see one thing that I am grateful for, but after a horrible day at work I get angry; I recognise that this anger comes from a childhood where there was no validation for small achievements in daily life. I say to myself “I understand your anger, and it’s ok that you are here. I want to try this gratitude list and see what comes from it”. Repeat this self talk of validation as long as its needed.
Reminders - help your mind remember.
When our old defence mechanisms and systems come up, our mind simply prioritises the defence mechanism and does not remember. Boost the probability of your mind remembering about the gratitude list. Write reminders, stick it next to your bed to see it in the morning. Set a reminder on your phone so it pops up during a break when it is most probable for you to have a moment of reflection. Ask your partner to remind you and motivate you to tell them what you are grateful for (pro tip: introduce it as a family practice – you will be amazed with the change that it can bring to a family dynamic).
Summary
In summary, it is normal and expected that new habits, even if they are the absolute best for us, do not necessarily have to come as easily as we would’ve liked. Try to compassionately understand your difficulties in habit building and set up your practice to build on incremental successes. Last but not least, celebrate your successes. Yes, while filling in your gratitude list you can be grateful for doing the gratitude list :) Strengthen the desired behaviour.
I wish you an explorative journey towards experiencing your gratitude in full.
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**Mental health is a scale that attains to every single person. The lack of mental health does not equal mental illness. Mental illness refers to a diagnosis. Mental health is an essential part of our lives and sometimes we find ourselves on the higher end of the spectrum of optimal mental health, whereas at other times we are on the lower end, in poor mental health. (Yes, someone with a diagnosed mental illness can absolutely have optimal mental health and lead a balanced, fulfilling life).
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Rash, J., Matsuba, M.K., Prkachin, K. M., 2011. Gratitude and Well-Being: Who Benefits the Most from a Gratitude Intervention https://shorturl.at/tzCN4
Fox, G.R., Kaplan, J., Damasio, H., Damasio, A., 2015. Neural correlates of gratitude. Front. Psychol. 6. http://dx.doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2015.01491.
